I spent four days via remote fixing my Dad's PC last week. He was bored so he decided to fill out some online "surveys."
Next thing he knew he was getting virus warnings popping up left and right. Internet Explorer had been hijacked (he uses Firefox thanks to me) and his clock on his task bar said the time in military time with the words VIRUS ALERT! Next to it. Everything I went into on his machine said it was owned by the same words.
I spent the first three days running scans with AVG 8 and Spybot Search and Destroy. They worked great- killed off 90% of the problems.
But one kept coming back and in doing so, it was launching a myriad of invaders. It is called the Vundo virus or Virtemondo.dll. It is a really nasty, tenacious trojan that is common in drive by downloads. In other words, all you have to do is visit a page that is not nice and it will download to your pc. Be careful of messenger messages from those you don't know also.
Anyway, on day four I did some research on this particular virus and found these links and some programs to kill them.
The one I used was Malwarebytes Anti-Malware. The link to it is here>
This is the page that has the link on it.
http://www.dslreports.com/forum/r206...umondedll-. I ran it once and let it do its thing. In four minutes it had found 66 trojans on this pc!! FOUR MINUTES!! It ran for only 15 minutes and found over 100 of them total.
I had to reboot the machine at which time I lose contact via my screen sharing.
The next day Poppa called me to tell me his machine was CLEAN!! The only thing left was his cookie to Bluemountain (he uses their calendar to remind him of things) was gone. I told him how to fix that and he was set. So he has learned his lesson.. now.. will you take heed?
Make sure your virusware- whatever it is, is updated regularly. I use AVG Pro but I put ALL of my clients on AVG free. I will still include Spybot when needed as it found many things on his PC. Most of those are tracking cookies which are not always a threat. It found the Vundo virus but neither one could fix it. It has grips all over your pc. There were well over 200 entries of files thrown here and there in registries, in Windoze folders, all over the place that Vundo had scattered. It was amazing!!
* Double-click VundoFix.exe to run it.
* Click the Scan for Vundo button.
* Once it's done scanning, click the Remove Vundo button.
* You will receive a prompt asking if you want to remove the files, click YES
* Once you click yes, your desktop will go blank as it starts removing Vundo.
* When completed, it will prompt that it will reboot your computer, click OK.
* Please post the contents of C:vundofix.txt and a new HiJackThis log in a reply to this thread.
* Make sure you are connected to the Internet.
* Double-click on Download_mbam-setup.exe to install the application. (If using Windows Vista, be sure to "Run As Administrator")
* When the installation begins, follow the prompts and do not make any changes to default settings.
* When installation has finished, make sure you leave both of these checked:
o Update Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware
o Launch Malwarebytes' Anti-Malware
* Then click Finish.
* MBAM will automatically start and you will be asked to update the program before performing a scan. If an update is found, the program will automatically update itself. Press the OK button to close that box and continue.
* If you encounter any problems while downloading the updates, manually download them from here and just double-click on mbam-rules.exe to install.
* On the Scanner tab:
o Make sure the "Perform Quick Acan" option is selected.
o Then click on the Scan button.
* The next screen will ask you to select the drives to scan. Leave all the drives selected and click on the Start Scan button.
* The scan will begin and "Scan in progress" will show at the top. It may take some time to complete so please be patient.
* When the scan is finished, a message box will say "The scan completed successfully. Click 'Show Results' to display all objects found".
* Click OK to close the message box and continue with the removal process.
* Back at the main Scanner screen, click on the Show Results button to see a list of any malware that was found.
* Make sure that everything is checked, and click Remove Selected.
* When removal is completed, a log report will open in Notepad and you may be prompted to restart your computer. (see Note below)
* The log is automatically saved and can be viewed by clicking the Logs tab in MBAM.
* Copy and paste the contents of that report in your next reply and exit MBAM.
Note: If MBAM encounters a file that is difficult to remove, you will be presented with 1 of 2 prompts. Click OK to either and let MBAM proceed with the disinfection process. If asked to restart the computer, please do so immediately. Failure to reboot will prevent MBAM from removing all the malware.
Second:
Download Combofix from any of the links below, and save it to your desktop. For information regarding this download, please visit this webpage: »www.bleepingcomputer.com/combofi···combofix
Double click on combofix.exe & follow the prompts.
When finished, it will produce a report for you. •Please post the "C:ComboFix.txt" along with a new HijackThis log for further review.
Note:
Do not mouseclick combofix's window while it's running. That may cause it to stall
So that was my four days of pc repair via screen sharing with my Dad. Granted most of you are pretty computer savvy and he is too, for an 85 yr old man! But I found out the day after it was clean that my daughter (who knows better) was filling out surveys for money!! OMG!!! She has a laptop- which is just harder to deal with. Plus she has way too much music and images on her laptop- which illicites much loud screaming when I mention the word "format." She doesn't back up like I tell her too and so that will happen one day. It already did. The laptop was her grad present in 07 and 6 months later the hard drive died. So she bought (on her own!) a bigger one and had a friend install it. Now she is good to go but... still has the music and stuff on it.
Well I have tried... but she is stubborn.. where did she get that?
I hope this has been an informative post for you and that my hours of research will make yours unnecessary. I hope you never NEED this information. If you do and EFX2 is down- just e-mail me. Most of you have it or know someone else that does.
Well it feels good to be back in my own blob again. That is what Olive Riley called her blog. She was the world's oldest blobber with the help of her friend Milke Rubbo, who filmed a documentary on her. She passed away on July 13, at the age of 108. She was lucid until she fell ill with a chest infection and slipped away in her sleep. You can read all about Olive on her blog here: http://www.allaboutolive.com.au/
I drove to Oregon for the second time, only this was a lot farther. I was going to go alone then my son asked if he could go at the last minute. This proved to be both a blessing and a curse.
We left at 6 am on Monday, July 7th (Happy BD Ringo!) and drove straight up to my Aunt's house in Talent Oregon. Talent is about 3 miles from the famous Ashland and only 8 miles from the border of California.
That is downtown Ashland. It is the home of the Shakespearian Fesitval that is held from March until October I believe.
My pictures were more of the park and the creek.
nice eh?
little waterfall
This is a really cool old fountain on the street corner. It didn't work.
I feel terrible because I actually didn't take any pictures of my Mom's house, or my Dad or my Aunt and Uncle. None, nada, zip.
What a dork I am. I really only took about 15 pictures entirely and they were all of senery. I didn't even get one of Paula IN her own yard.
Geesh.
I did take pics of my aunt's yard however....
I wanted this for dinner but it was still in the yard when we arrived a week later..
Sue bee making lavender honey
gorgeous yellow rose of my aunt's and a salmon colored one-my favorite kind.
Some alien plant my Aunt is growing.. don't know what it is..
the first roses on my rose bush-of course when I got back they were dead. I left the day I took this.
I drove out to my freind Paula's house which is a few blocks from where my Mom's old house is.
She has the most incredible yard and garden I have ever seen. The inside of her house is amazing too but I dont' take pics of people private houses and post them online.
Her house gives me a feeling of never wanting to leave it. It's just that peaceful and cozy yet it's open and warm.
Here are a few shots of her garden. We usually pick BUCKETS of blueberries but I was there too early this year.
Lavender and plants.
Fruit trees
Towards the 25 or so blueberry bushes
peaceful and cool
Side of the house
Same side closer
Foxgloves
As I drove out of her place back to the hiway, I took some pics of the surrounding hills that are still covered with trees. Central Oregon is full of fields, hills and trees, but they are patchworked all over the place. These are the hills outside of Dallas, which is a small town you drive through and around to get to Paula's and Fall City.
Fields and trees
More hills
On the way home, we went up and over the pass. I have never been that way home because last November, Jemma and I drove up to Grant's Pass and down 199 to Humboldt and Arcata.
So here is what we saw when we headed up over the pass:
Sun breaking through the clouds. The clouds gave us a welcome respite from the 95+ weather. But we were heading back to very smokey California. Yuk.
More pass pictures.
On the way into Shasta. There is NO snow on Shasta. That is unheard of-ever. It is scary and sad.
Because I was driving and we had a deadline, I couldn't stop to take pics of Shasta itself, so this is the best one I got out of my window on a drive by...
Here is my co-pilot that didn't do much. He slept- I guess that is doing something. Plus he caused a world of grief for me and my family in the short week we were there. I won't get into it but it involved him disappearing overnight and his so-called ex that had thrown him out right before we left. You guessed it, he was secretly calling and lying to her and on my relatives phone lines without permission!!! Grrrrrrrr
He is a scrounge here and looked this way most of the trip. Can you say.. ah.. never mind.
So that was my recent trip to Oregon. I got all of my Mom's photo albums and video tapes that she made over the years. I am going to make DVD's of them all and pass them out to family that wants them.
That's about it for now. I will be posting this at Vox and blogspot too, what a pain in the arse.
It's still good to be back. I sure wish I had my old turquoise css page still. I might have it somewhere on my pc.. so I will look for it. It's a good change for summer.
Ta for now all!
Well I hope you all haven't given up on me! I have been so busy it's unreal. I have never had the time to resize all my images from the spring walks I have taken and I haven't even had time to do that for a month. It's been nice weather too and I should, so maybe tomorrow Annie Mouse and I can go for a short walk.
I was warned to be careful on the trail since some woman was harassed by two men but I have never seen two men alone out there that I didn't know and there are people on that trail a lot! But I am always careful. I have Annie Mouse and I walk with two long poles, so I doubt if anyone is going to want to waste their time on me.
Most predators look for weak victims and I am not one of those. I have been mugged before and they never got my purse!! So I will carry my pepper spray but I am still not concerned about it. I just might try a new trail today down near town anyway.
Other than that, I have been working feverishly on about 4 websites simultaneously and have three of them almost done.
One I am just starting will be a biggy. It is a site that will sell iron-on crystal and rhinestone/rhinestud transfers and the owner has over 3500 of these designs I am going to be adding to the site for sale.
I actually hired a kid that was in a class with me last semester to do a database for me to input these into, saving me about 25 hours or more of work. So I can get the site in sooner that way.
Here is one I just finished-well, about 99% finished.
californiasuiseki.com/
Here is another one that is still a work in progress:
walelayoga.com
The newest site doesn't really even have a name yet.
As you all know I am a HUGE hockey fan and that my team, the Detroit Red Wings, are one game away (which is TONIGHT) from hoisting the Stanley Cup. After beating the Penguins on their home ice Sat, night we are back at the Joe Louis Arena to win the last game and finally get the Cup back in Hockeytown!!! Oh how I would love to live closer to all of this excitement!!
I am so far from it and have never even been to Michigan even though most of my family was from that area.
Someday, however, I will be sitting in the JLA watching the Wings play a game at home. It may not be the Stanley Cup Finals but it will be a home game!! I have made myself that promise.
I know Lauri (Kinnigurl) is really upset with Peter (DrDog) and myself for rubbing it in since she is such a huge (and misguided) Pens fan.
See it doesn't pay to be the fan of any team named after an animal....
On the other interesting side of life... some very odd things have been happening in my life but one post is enough for today.
I will leave you with some images of the best team in the NHL.. ya I know most of you don't care...
This is why they won't win:
their practice uniforms:
Our practice uniforms:
Cheap shots on players that have recently been injured in the head:
My Mom died with me sitting by her side in some cold hospital in Oregon. It still feels like yesterday to me, and I told my daughter today that I think it will always feel like yesterday to me.
It is just a surreal feeling, knowing that the one person that loved you without any reservations is now gone. I know you might think me a bit nuts to still feel the pain of losing my mother but she was so much more than that to me.
She was truly and completely my best friend.
We could and did talk about anything and everything, from sex to the way we grieved over our lost pets. No one understood me the way she did and that never even happened until I was an adult and lived over 600 miles from home.
We were never close when I was younger and I always felt like an outcast in my family. Being the only one with green eyes in the family made me feel like I was adopted so many times when I was younger.
I know that isn't true now because when I look in the mirror I don't see myself anymore, I see my Mom. I feel like I am disappearing!
My mom would listen to me sob on the phone over the loss of my cat Scrunt, the end of my marriages, and the painful decisions I made putting down my 19 yr old cat Floyd and my 15 1/2 yr old dog Cameo. She cried with me on the phone and hugged me tight months later over the same thing when I finally saw her again. I didn't see them enough, that is for sure. They moved to Oregon in 1991 and it has never been financially easy for me to get up there to see them.
My Mom made it down here in 2004, bald as can be- to be here when my only daughter graduated from high school.
My son didn't graduate from high school (he got his GED afterward) so my Mom knew this occasion was very special to me.
She was ill and weak but she braved it not just that hot month in June of 2004 but back again to celebrate my 50th birthday with me in December. She was still bald but feeling a bit better.
I was so happy just to be with her. The funniest thing was that we were so used to talking on the phone for hours long distance and then when we were together we didn't seem to have as much to say, that we joked about calling each other while in the same house so we could chat!! I think it was because words were not needed the same way as the were when we were not together.
She was there for me when I had my first child- my son that decided to come into this world via an emergency caesarian that almost did us both in.
She and my Step-Dad, who has been my only Dad since I was 22, drove up in record time from San Diego. They got to hold my son the same night he was born, even arguing with a doctor who insisted that my 8 lb 7 oz boy was too big and beautiful to have just been born. He had a full head of hair that stuck out like a buzz cut grown long and so she had to show him the little tag on his bassinet that said “Hi I’m a boy and I was born at 12:55 pm.” It was quite comical.
They moved to Oakhurst the next year and stayed there until they left for Oregon in 1991. She was there when my daughter was born also- taking care of me once again now with a 7 yr old and a newborn. She taught me how to diaper a girl (I had no clue) and she was determined when the time was right to teach each of my kids in turn as they grew up to say the word s—t (rhymes with pit) because she thought every kid should learn it and I won’t say it. She was a pistol my Mom was.
She was there for me through every break-up, every divorce and every bad grade or detention my kids put me through. When I was so stressed over my last divorce and I would start to have anxiety attacks she could calm me down just by talking to me over the phone. She had that effect on me.
She would rejoice over every new accomplishment, new goal or new idea I would have. She (and Poppa of course is part of all of this) lent me money and encouragement when I was selling Nikken products (which she used until she died) and drove me to Portland and watched Jemma while I took the hardest test of my life for the Oregon Veterinary Boards which led to me being licensed in both Oregon and California. When I was selling a lot of my art she was sending me tip money she was making at the Sky Ranch in Oakhurst running the hotel part for art supplies.
She rooted for me the hardest when I started college in 2002 with a broken spine and spirit from losing my career.
When my best friend of 20 yrs decided we could no longer be friends without any explanation, my Mom was terribly hurt inside but she just kept telling me through my tears that “she wasn’t a true friend if she could do that to you.” She never understood why she would do that to me but I still don’t to this day know why or understand it.
She talked me out of the need for any anti-depressants because I never got that down knowing she was there for me to talk to. She wanted, more than anything on earth, to watch her baby graduate from college and give the farewell speech- the first one in my blood family to do so. Poppa has a PhD but on my Mom’s side of the family no one finished college. So I am the first. My niece has an LVN license from a vocational school- so she was actually first- but I am the first one with any degrees. I guess that is why I got three of them at once!!
I could go on and on but the point is that I didn’t lose just my Mom two years ago today. I lost my truest, most loyal best friend, cheerleader, guidance counselor and my Mom. That, my friends, is a lot to lose at one time.
This is a fitting color for this post because this is exactly what I sound like when I talk:
My little cold, the first one I have had in over 10 years or so, turned into a nasty case of bronchitis. I sound like a squeeze box when I breath and a frog when I talk. Lovely isn't it?
I did drag myself to Prompt Care yesterday to make sure I didn't have pneumonia and since I have mild asthma I wanted to be sure that was not getting worse.
They x-rayed my lungs and said I was fine and sent me home with a prescription of two drugs I already had at home, so I just went home.
All I have done is sleep and eat and sleep some more. Well I did do some work on a website yesterday but otherwise I am just wiped out.
Hence I have nothing to blog about and no pictures to post. Well I do but I haven't resized them yet to make them blog friendly.
So I am off to do my homework that is due tomorrow for math. By the way, after MUCH blood,lots of sweat and a few tears, I did pass my math class online with a C. I almost had a B at one point but oh well.
One more to go and I am DONE with math for my BS degree. At least that is what they tell me.
So ciao for now and have a Happy Sunday. To those that celebrate have a Happy Resurrection Day- no I won't say Easter because I so don't believe in it. That's another story altogether.... no bunnies and eggs for me thank you..
I hope I am well enough to make it to school tomorrow.. ugh...
Well although I feel like I never get out of this chair except to go to school and do the same thing, I did get out last weekend and go meet up with my friends of Golden Bough who were having a 25 year re-union with two ex members.
I took a few pictures of the jousting which was a bit more fun to watch this time and of the people walking around the place looking very Celtic.
I did go watch the re-union concert but they put them in a building that was like a cave so good pictures were almost impossible. I had to photoshop them to death except for the outdoor ones.
So here are some shots of the Celtic Faire that just came back to Sonora after being over the river in Angles Camp for a long, long time. Patrick Karnahan (another oldtime friend of mine) got fed up with the fair board over there and brought it back here. Most of Sonora is thrilled by that. I know I am!
The other shots are random pics I took around town of trees exploding into blossom. I had so many I could barely pick but here are the ones I think are the best.
My fave photo of all is the galloping Clydesdale!
So the first ones are of Golden Bough and Lief Sorbye (of Tempest) who was with them 25 yrs ago.
This is Paul. I posted two pics of him and my daughter from last years faire and when she was 6 yrs old.
Lief getting in the groove.
Not a great photo but it's the only one where you can see all of them.
People dress the part to the hilt (literally)
Clothes for sale so you too, can look wenchish.(¿)
Other wares for sale.
Dragons of course!
She made chainmaile everything and she told me this was the best bra she had ever owned. I told her I would take her word for it. And no, I didn't ask her to pose, she was just into it!
JOUSTING!! This is the real deal- no fake stuff- so they have to be very careful.
Joustmaster (¿) not sure that is a word really!
Fighting with real swords too..
Springtime in Sonora!
My lilac is starting to sprout
Check out the house behind this tree. It's one of the many Victorians from the early to late 1800s.
My peach tree in front.
Periwinkle blooming.
Golden bush-maybe an acacia.
Looks like snow!
Rose of Sharon. These are all over Sonora. When the Redbuds bloom I will get some of those too.
These bloom in January in my yard but this year they waited until February.
Riot of colors
Well I hope I don't make any of you allergy sufferers start sneezing..While it is quite beautiful out there today it was snowing most of the day all over the place as it is really cold here!
On that note, I am off to sit by the fire and watch an Italian movie with English subtitles.
Well I have a new water heater and it was installed by a licensed contractor. The store where I bought it a year ago had pilfered the conversion kit off the box and so I think they felt responsible for the fact that it was never converted.
They told me they wanted to swap it out even exchange. I was rather floored by that. I have shopped at this hardware store since they had opened way back in the early 80s and even with OSH moving in I refused to shop there.
I am one of those die-hard loyals and this is the reason why.
This is what I call excellent customer service and this is why I recommend places like this store. I told the general manager that I had been a loyal customer for over 30 years and that he renewed my faith in why I was one.
So the guy that put it in was also referred to me by Andy's (true value hardware) and also by my dear friend Sue. I called him coming home from having lunch with Sue and told his machine my dilemma. He responded by phone and told me that he didn't normally work Saturdays but that he considered this an emergency and so he would be here in the am.
I woke up with high hopes of having hot water by evening (and I had it by noon) and then my daughters cat Zinny came limping out of the bedroom and was hardly able to stand on either back leg.
I called my ex-work and told them I needed to get her in right away and they said I had to be there before nine since the Doc was leaving at 10 am. I was washing my hair in the sink so I had to hustle my act and get here down there. She had been in quite a fight and was in a painful way with punctures in her legs and on her back. She had been outside for a few brief hours the day before and for the first time in weeks!
I crammed her with antibiotics before I left so Doc just said to keep her on them. I rushed her home to find that the water heater was already installed and they were just finishing up stuff.(And to top it off, my car wouldn't start!! I figured it was because I was almost out of gas to boot. I got some gas and it was fine until I started it tonight. It acted as if the fuel pump was clogged.
I revved it. VARRRRRROOOOOOOOMMMMMMM.. suddenly it was running smoothly and the idle settled down too. One less thing I needed!!)
This guy was not only fast but he was only going to charge me $150 for doing it. Everyone else wanted $500 to start!!
I almost cried again. I told him I would send him another $100 when I got my check from a client and he said no rush. Wow. I thought people like him were no longer around. My faith in mankind has been partially restored.
So I have hot water- psycho bitch will get her things tomorrow and be out of our lives for good I hope and my son will start looking for more work.
I am so exhausted that I couldn't do my math homework at all.
Another day gone- but so much is so much better.
Tomorrow I meet with a new client and everything will just get better and better!!
It's amazing how dark it all looks at the start of the tunnel.. now I know why they talk about the light at the other end.
Whew!!!
Maybe forgetting everything and drinking a glass of wine while I watch Quantum Leap on DVD. Or better yet, MacGyver. Sigh. I am just trying not to cry.
I came home yesterday and when I washed my face for bed hours later I realized I didn't have any hot water. So the dog and I went outside with a flash light and matches to light the thing. Now this WH is only a year old. Nice big one too.
I open the closet door and find.... black spider webs all over. One foot long BLACK soot and scorch marks all over the outside of the heater.
I am stunned. WT? I ask myself or the dog.
I get ready to light the thing and I take the metal doors off etc. I have lit many a water heater in my time so I wasn't worried about it, but I couldn't figure out why the soot and scorch marks were there.
So I light the pilot light-whoa-it's way too big! I hold it down for the requisite one minute, stand up and turn the knob...and WOOSHHHHHHH!!
A flame shoots out of where the metal doors go about 9 inches long!
YIKES!!
I look and the flame inside is just huge and crazy.
That's when I realize that for the last YEAR- this water heater has come so close to burning down my house that I start shaking.
I shut the thing off and went into the house still very shook up.
I called the gas company this morning and told them I needed Clint to come look at this since I don't recall this happening until they had reconnected my gas a few weeks ago.
He gets here and says this has been going on for a long time. The reason? Because who ever installed it for me NEVER CHANGED IT OVER TO PROPANE GAS!!!!
All this time it's been burning up my fuel and almost killing me by fumes and by scorching my house. The ONLY reason the house hasn't burned down is because the flame was contained mostly by the metal doors and was pointed at a metal door.
So Clint caps off my gas line and red tags my water heater!! I have no hot water now. The worst part of this is that the person who installed it was a friend of my daughters that was a plumber and has the experience but not enough and I am PISSED about that. PLUS the water heater was supposed to be sold with a conversion kit and wasn't so I called that store and they will get me one free of charge.
I am still so upset that my right hand is numb because my shoulders are so tight from all of this.
That and now my son's ex gf is moving back and wants ALL of her stuff that she gave to Josh (I took a couple of things too) because she told us to take them and she moved to Washington State. She calls me at 7 am and 12 midnight even when I have told her repeatedly NOT to call here or at those hours. She is one more psycho to add to his list.
Only this time I am taking no prisoners.
If HE doesn't fix this, he is OUT on his ass.
No more nice Mom. I am done done done.
Well unlike Lisabobisa that felt better after venting I don't.
I still want to cry.....
Be my Valentine, for I
Each day have thought of you.
My whole life couldn't manage what
Your ready smile can do,
Vanquishing my loneliness
As though all light were new.
Let me be your Valentine
Even as you're mine,
Needing what I have to give
That each might each define
In friendship and in harmony,
Now you, now I the melody,
Each helping each to shine.
I got that from the man that gave me my Cherokee name when he adopted me into his tribe in 1971.
I was alone on VD, which is no surprise. I don't really care about the day but the commercialism of it really is a painful reminder of the fact I am alone.
I like being alone-most of the time. But I am still lonely.
Everywhere I look people are splitting up- and I want someone.
Paradoxical and depressing.
I didn't spend last night upset or obsessing over it- I actually didn't think much about it at all.
But I got that e-card from a friend I went to high school with 37 years ago and it just made me remember I am still alone.
I just finished watching Candy- a movie Heath Ledger made about two years ago. It was a bittersweet movie and I caught myself from time to time suddenly remembering that he is no longer with us and I would feel so empty-like the void he has left the world. When you see someone so alive on the screen and you realize he has died not to long ago it is a weird feeling. At least for me it is.
He was a powerful actor even in this movie for one so young. Such a terrible thing to lose someone so talented so young. I know it's old news but not to his family, not to those that loved him.
Hmmm well I guess I need to head to bed. I am beat from a not too friendly week. I came home Wednesday night to find my propane had been disconnected. So now that is costing me a bloody fortune to get that taken care of. Of course that wouldn't have happened if I had the money to pay the bill but I haven't. I have never had a utility cut off before so this was very upsetting to me.
I just don't know what else I can do; SSD only goes so far and money is very tight.
Well I won't bore you with my woes any longer, I am going to bed.
The Mona Lisa is probably the best known painting in the world. Could you paint it? I’ll give you 2½ hours. And no paintbrushes allowed. Your computer mouse should do just fine. Not up to it? Well, this guy is. He uses only Microsoft Paint.
I have tried to make a post in here about 6 times and have not had the time to just do it. I still don't since I have to make a 'quiz template' in Flash which is one program I really loathe to work with.
But I am going to take the time anyway-Well here I am typing this and making it happen!!
This is mostly just some images I took in Arcata and at Humboldt State Uni again from my recent three day trip up there to go to Jemma's orientation days. It was a grueling bus ride but I got to read a lot, crochet some and try to rest-that didn't happen.
The weather was pretty nice- no rain there or on the way. But it was freezing cold in Arcata and it's so damp that my asthma had a fit! I was using my inhaler, which I rarely ever use at home, a lot! It was so cold that when we got out to her little Volvo there was a coating of ice on the windows about a 1/4 thick. Jemma was finding this incredible and saying "what the hell?" I told her," Aren't you glad you were raised in Sonora and know how to scrape ice off a window?" She didn't appreciate that comment very much.
The first day went from 8 am to 8:30 pm with my daughter running from mandatory peer groups one after another. I went to two parental unit meetings and one peer groupy thing with her that they let me attend.
It was on diversity and tolerance.
So here are some photos of the beautiful campus again, and Arcata where we walked around a bit and had lunch.
Here is the square and a very weird sculpture in Arcata. The sculpture looks like the end of a snail or planariam worm or something to me:
The only trees left in the square:
Extremely cool house in Arcata- Adams Family goes 70s.
Jemma's little Volvo lives in Arcata now!
Some cool looking windows in town:
Back at the college:
Giant redwood tree next to Siemans Hall.
The library from the front
painting inside the library lobby.
The scull team is already practicing on the quad.
I had to be sneaky to get this image-she was NOT in a good mood by this time....At the HSU bookstore...$$$$$$$$
Looking out over the quad toward Sieman's Hall on the dead on.
Better close up of the cement tree wall at the front of the quad.
Gorgeous slate floor in the health clinic
On the way home:
Vineyards galore!
Some pointy mountain:
Shows how much I travel my own state derrrr...
Well that was my trip-one of many more to come. I didn't mind the train/bus connection. Just a lot of sitting which is hard on my back. I had been having some pain in my right hip socket for about two months and the trip really exacerbated it. I finally limped into Prompt care and they xrayed it and said I had bursitis. OUCH. No wonder it hurts so bad. So heat and Nsaids is the name of the game. It woke me up again this morning so it's not a whole lot better. I am sitting on a heating pad for goodness sakes-what more can I do?
I won't apologize for the downer post I made last time and I really do appreciate all the wonderful pep talks I got, but I am just going to have to deal with being lonely I guess. I am so busy most of the time I don't even think about it but there is every night when I go to bed-that's when it really hits me.
On another note, very saddened by the untimely death of Heath Ledger-whom we watched from his very first movie "10 things I hate about you" to his last one- I joined Netflix on a trail basis and watched BrokeBack Mountain Friday night.
Now I have to admit that I wasn't comfortable with the sex scenes but I just made myself some tea at that point and tried to keep an open mind about the story. I found myself very emotional about the love story in this movie-how terribly hard it would have been in the 70s for any kind of same sex love affair. The love these two actors portrayed for both being straight was unreal-it was tangible. I thought how tough, how brave you would have to be- and how strong was a love that transcended the norms and the barriers?
So it was a powerful movie and I am glad I did watch it. I feel very sad about such a talented young father dying so young- only 28 years old.
RIP Heath.
Today would have been my Mom's 78th birthday. I thought about her all day long. I felt.. I don't know what I felt. I never left the house- I never even took off my jammies all day.
I did some flash homework and got more upset and then I got depressed.
I cannot get flash at all. I dread using it and I am in this university class 'Using flash for e-learning." I figured (wrongly) that this wouldn't be so bad. Well it is. I tried to make a quiz today-used a template-sorta. There was not corresponding box in my program like the book said I should have to edit it with. I get upset and very frustrated by that.
Then I wonder why the heck am I bothering with all this schooling to get a bachelor's at my age? Why, so I can watch my classes not make enrollment and then I have no work, just a hefty student loan to pay off? I am on the verge of just quitting, of giving up.
I went to the movies yesterday for the first time in over 9 months.
I can't afford to go so I don't plus I don't like to go alone. And alone is what I am most of the time. I went with my g/f and saw P.S. I Love you with Hillary Swank and some gorgeous Irish dude.
Now I want an Irish dude. A real one that looks like the guy at the end of the movie, not the one that died. I cried then I cried some more. I walked out of there knowing I was really tired of being lonely. Not alone, mind you- I like being alone a lot of the time. But I am very lonely.
I am tired of being lonely and let me tell you- when you hit 50 and over- not one man looks your way again. I don't think I am that much of a schlemp at my age. I dress well and look nice when I go out and I am not horribly overweight. Ya I need to lose a few pounds but age has a way of doing that.
Still, no matter where I go- all I see are couples or older men-really older men.
I have tried the online dating thing and had one disaster after another (like Jonathan) so I have given that up pretty much too. It's like there isn't a single, single man in the county! I really don't get it. I did see a nice man having dinner alone with his 10ish daughter last night but I was with a male friend who was buying me a belated BD dinner- so of course this man won't look my way. Sigh. How do you approach something like that? Chances are I won't see him again. This county isn't as small as it once was.
On the other hand-If I am meant to see him I know I will. And I will be alone when I do. Will he say anything to me? Who knows.
I just get so down about it. I hate to say that it's a thing about getting older because I don't feel older at all, but the reality is that I am and no one wants an older woman. Men my age want the youngsters.
I/we can't compete. How can I compete with a 22 yr old that a very handsome and eligible professor is living with? By the way, he is 64. Is she beautiful? Well, lets just say on the inside, probably yes. On the outside the poor girl has no muscles let alone breasts. But whatever.
The point is, when men are going after little girls, us real, curvy, and experienced woman are left to rust on the shelf. So that is what it feels like.
I sit on the shelf and love slips through my hands like the sand.
Time goes right after it and next thing you know you are 75.
So with all of this love I have inside of me and now not even my daughter to foist it upon, I need to find an outlet for it somehow. I want to paint again but the damn PC takes up my time with school and web sites (paying ones) even this blog.
So maybe I need to stop blogging and find the answers out here.
I don't know. I just know that I am really tired of going to bed alone every, single night.
Tired of being lonely.
Happy Anniversary Mom-where ever you are hanging out tonight.
it was snowing when I went to bed and I wasn't sure how
long it would last.
We got only about 3" most of which is melting quickly off the trees.
My car had some on it.
But this tree out my front door is always covered with the thickest stuff.
Poor Annie Mouse can't figure out what the bombing sounds
are when the snow falls in huge balls off the trees over the house.
She has that quizzical look on her face and whines every now and then.
Dogs...
I have spent the last week pretty much alone. I have been reading a lot and cleaning the house as well as throwing away every thing I can.
I am working on a huge pile of clothes right now that will go to a consignment shop next week when I have more time.
well anyway, that's all the news here. I am off to get ready to
brave the white stuff to help a friend with a computer problem
and visit my wheelchair bound other friend. Plus I am taking
Annie Mouse down for my ex-boss to look at her belly at a
blood blister looking thing. She LOVES going back to where
she was raised! She spent the first 5 years of her life sleeping
under my desk with Cameo while I worked all day. Then we
had lunch outside and they ate carrots while I ate my salads.
Ah... the old days...(she still tries to get under the desk when
we go there..lol)
Well December is about half or three quarters over already. I turned 53 on the 6th and I am still shaking my head over that one.
It just never ceases to amaze me that I am that 'young.' I remember being 19 and thinking that 33 was old. I remember the day I thought that, but I don't remember the person that prompted that thought.
It has been such a whirlwind month. Between my math class that I cried, struggled and then had some laughs through, (and got a B in by the way), and dealing with an online university class with no book (because I couldn't afford it until the class was half over), and working at the college with a bunch of students that wait until the LAST POSSIBLE minute to get their projects done; it's not a surprise that I am fried. I felt like I was in a coma the first weekend I had off, which was last weekend.
Tomorrow I am driving my daughter to the airport in San Fransisco at 5:45 am!! She has to be there by 10:30 at the latest and on a clear day it's a two and half hour drive. Tomorrow I will be fighting commuter traffic and praying there is no fog!! IT will be very lonely here without here but I better get used to it, she is moving to Arcata to attend Humboldt State on Jan 7th. I asked her to wait until her 21st BD on Jan 11 but she won't or can't.
That upsets me even more. I have never been able to buy one of my kids their first legal drink. Not that it's the most important thing on earth, but it would be so much fun!
I won't even have her here to come dancing with me-something I have been looking forward to for the last year.... oh well....
I will most likely be alone next Tues too- D is saying he wants to get out of dodge and that means on Xmas day too. Oh well. I have been alone a million times so it's no biggy.
Just another year... just another day....
A good friend of mine is going through a divorce- and he told me that he knows of three other couples going through the same thing.
What is interesting about that is that my massage therapist, who is a healer, told me about all these planets and stuff crossing over each other and being in opposition and that there are going to be some MAJOR changes in all kinds of peoples lives. Not all bad, some really good.
She has some major ones going on in hers.
So I am waiting to see what I am going to have in mine. I know what I want but hey, I can't control the future that much. I certainly can dream big and think big and send forth lots of positive energies-but the rest of it is out of my hands.
In the meantime I am just trying to recover from the last semester and get my strength up for the next one. I will have two algebra classes piggybacked- so it will be very stressful indeed.
Sorry this is a boring post- no recent photos worth posting.
Take care and I hope everyone gets what they want and then some!!
Cheers for now! :)
OK well here is the rest of the trip. We went to see the redwood forest right after cruising around the campus as you saw before. I took a lot of pictures,but for some reason, I wasn't having a very good picture day. Most of them were a bit blurry. I do need new glasses but my camera should have compensated for me.
At any rate, I saw my first ever banana slug and some of the most amazing trees in the world. The whole place looked like it was straight out of the last Star Wars movie, the Return of the Jedi. They actually filmed that up closer to Cresent City, but it looks the same.
So here are some of the ones I was able to fix up some:
This was looking straight up about 500 ft into the forest, which is, by the way, one block behind the college. Unreal!!
One of the biggest stumps I have ever seen.
another huge stump.
My first sighting of a banana slug. Jemma spotted it first and called me over to it.
Off the trail to the left.
Jemma on the trail with Annie Mouse. The trees to the left were a new fall from maybe a year ago.
Another huge stump.
Some sort of shroom.
Look at the face on this burl. It almost looks like DrDog!!(bushy eyebrows, big droopy mustache)
Here is another one of a HUGE stump. Look at how small Jemma is on it. I mean she is small-5'2", but she looks like a bug on this.
So from there we went to the beach. I haven't been to the beach since I was with my folks in Oregon around 1997 or so. Ya, that's been a while.
Well maybe once but I didn't get to walk on it.
This is a beach that was about 10 miles north of Humboldt State. I forgot the name but it was an equestrian and people beach. What amazed me was looking at the redwoods on one side of Hwy 101,
and the beach on the other side of the Hwy.
That's Jemma and Annie Mouse. My dog had never been on a beach, had never even seen a beach- and she is almost 10 yrs old.
She had a ball running all over the place! When I told her to get the waves, she ran up and started biting the foam. Now I have been told by three other people that their dogs did the same thing, so it must be a dog thing!
Here is a picture of her having some fun.
She met some other free running dogs and they quickly started to play and run amok.
Here are some images of Jemma and Annie Mouse on the beach.
Yes that is really me with Annie Mouse on the beach.
Here is a 'sun ring'-
So that was our beach trip. After that, we took off and began the long journey home. We stopped in the midst of another redwood forest but I don't recall taking many pictures. I took a small video of us driving through the redwoods but it's pretty rough.
Here is one place we stopped-and I took pictures of the trees!!
On another note, yesterday was my birthday and my daughter took me out for a fabulous dinner. It was one of the best I have ever had, but of course the company was great. I had braised duck in a sauce that was like a jewel-colored melted jam of apricots and raspberries. It was scrumptious. She then ordered a dessert that was gorgeous but I couldn't eat but a bite of it. It was really beautifully presented but it was a hazelnut torte and it was like a solid chunk of fudge-only harder. I was so full I didn't want but a taste of it.
well I am going to put my headache to bed. Until then, have a great now!
Well Hello!! Long time no post. Been so busy I can barely see straight!
Last Wed at 10 am my daughter, Annie Mouse and I hit the road for our first ever road trip to Oregon. Annie Mouse (my dog) had NEVER been on a road trip at all, so this was a first for her and she is almost 10 yrs old.
We left Sonora at ten am, after I went to my math class with Annie Mouse in tow. Yes she went to class with me. She has been to the college before and is a total lady the whole time. Being raised at the vets and having spent most of the day under my desk sleeping helped make her a patient and laid-back dog. Here she is with Trea, my Mom's ex guide dog, once again.
We hit Redding so fast it was amazing. Up and over the mountains, past gorgeous Mt. Shasta, which photos unfortunately were all taken with my cell phone and didn't come out too great.
We made it into Talent, which is about 5 miles from Ashland, at about 7 pm. So all in all, with pit stops and gas stops, we made it in 9 hours, which is only an hour more than my Mom and Dad used to take to drive here from my Aunt's.
It was freezing there- the temperatures were in the low 30s every day. I wish I had taken a picture of my car- in the morning it was covered with ice. Hadn't been that cold here but is close to that now.
If it was raining it would be snowing here.
So we had a great dinner the next night- my Aunt did a great job with the turkey.
I didn't take a picture of it but here is one of my Uncle cleaning up after dinner.
see how hard Jemma is helping? :p
Here is Jemma and the cat my cousin found. He didn't have a name but all of the dogs had a ball playing with him, including Annie Mouse. By the way there were 5 dogs in the house-about three too many.
Here is my cousin and the kitten..
and my Aunt, Jemma and the kitten.
Here is one of Poppa and Jem.
My dog was a perfect girl the whole time. I was very proud of her.
The next day (Friday) Jemma and I headed out to Grant's Pass and down to Arcata to go to Humboldt State the next day. I drove us there in the dark on some very windy roads through the bottom of Oregon and into California. We got to our motel around 9 pm which was about 4 hours longer than I was told it would take. Oh well.
I was exhausted and fell asleep pretty fast.
But before we hit the road she wanted to go into Ashland so we walked about there and she made my Aunt and I some earrings at a bead shop. Ashland is a pretty cool town.
We headed into Arcata the next morning and had breakfast at a little cafe called Muddy Waters.
Very hip, very nice. We drove over to Humboldt State and walked around in the very quiet and beautiful campus. Jemma is going there in January and I feel better about the whole thing now that I have seen it. The coolest thing is the Community Redwood Park, which is literally behind the college. But first here are some pics of the campus. It was a Saturday so we did not see One single person.
HSU Bookstore.
Toward the science buildings and the green house.
Toward Founders Hall
Redwoods on campus
The Quad
Another view of the Quad.
Theatre Arts building.
Well that is enough for now.
Tomorrow I will post the photos of the Redwood Forest and the beach!!
So until then, have a great now.
Karma can be such a loverly thing. As it goes with the hospital piece, the photo didn't turn out but I am still going to report them anyway. The vote to do so was overwhelmingly a YES.
Yesterday, painful breathing and all, I got on the phone with PayPal Credit and read some poor soul in India the riot act about their serendipitously charging me a late fee days after my payment goes in to them. I pay them online and on time. Every month.
Apparently, too eagerly, as some of my payments they applied to the previous month, making it look as if I hadn't paid them that month!
I told them that I pay online and right after the 3rd which is when my check is deposited. Instead of being overjoyed that someone actually PAYS their bills instead of flaking on them, they were penalizing me $29 smackers a month! I hit the roof. The dood in India put me on hold about every 2 minutes (no lie) to the point I think he was wringing his little hands. Finally after he repeatedly told me he understood my frustration at being charged all this money, I yelled. I got pissed and I said, (please excuse the caps but must use for effect!)
I DON'T CARE IF YOU UNDERSTAND! I WANT TO KNOW WHY, WHY, WHY YOU PEOPLE ARE CHARGING ME $29 EVERY MONTH EVEN WHEN I PAY MY BILL ON TIME~!! CAN YOU TELL ME THAT? HUH??? JUST TELL ME- DON'T TELL ME YOU UNDERSTAND!!!
Ok, needless to say, he replied with "Please being on hold, thank you" which was what he had said to me already about 15 times. I was on the phone with this man for over 40 minutes when he finally transferred me to someone (GASP) in the USA that spoke ENGLISH as her first language.
I calmed down, told her the scoop and after some negotiations, she took off ALL of the late fees to the tune of $116. Yep, you read that right. $116. All of which I should have NEVER been charged.
So let me tell you boys and girls of cyberspace~ the, uh,, the... hmmm what shall I call myself? ... the BAD BILL PERSON STOPPER STRIKES AGAIN!!
Ok that really doesn't work for me but hey. Can you tell I feel better?
I got mauled lovingly by 5 Bernese Mountain dogs today, had a Scarlet Macaw fly onto my leg and all of this at one clients house this morning.
The bird hooked himself to my thigh and was beating me about the head with his trimmed (wrongly) wings. If they are trimmed correctly the birds can't fly at all.
Duh.
Anyway, it's a good thing, I told her, that I am a Vet Tech. The Avon lady would have run screaming out of there.....I do love Bernies but they stink..... yuk... This site, should they decide to have me build it, is all about his private Suiseki collection.
Now you can look it up on Google of course, but Suiseki, or viewing stones, are natural rocks and crystals that are collected because they look like miniature landscapes. Some of them are breathtaking. They sit in handmade bases called a diaza, which are carved to fit the base of the stones. This site is owned by a guy that my client (potenial) is a good friend of, so it's a good site for information on the hobby of Suiseki.
http://www.suiseki.com/gallery/index...ndex4.html
This site is ok, a bit cluttered and not too pretty. I intend to make a very classy looking one.
Not that you cared,but now you know....
Have a great Saturday everyone!!
It is funny how we are skating along in life, doing our routine, feeling good, feeling bad, getting things done and then suddenly out of the blue-Zap_ something hits you that leaves you flat and reeling.
I have had a very strange week. I haven't been feeling real well sometimes at school. I have some stairs and a path I walk that are a bit steep, not bad and certainly not something that has been a problem for me in the past. I have been having a hard time with my endurance lately- and had no idea what is going on.
Just in the last week or so, when I would walk up the stairs and toward my car, I would feel overwhelmingly weak. I had to stop and catch my breath.
On Tuesday of this week, I woke up with a pounding headache. It was so bad I e-mailed everyone at school and told them I wouldn't be in. I could hardly breathe without some very extreme pain in my chest and upper back area.
I felt like I used to after visiting LA for a day. When you inhale deeply it hurts your chest. That's what it felt like.
Today, I woke up and my throat hurt. It wasn't sore, but it was tender around the outside and felt swollen. That soon went away and was replaced with a very sharp pain right under my ribcage on the right side. This pain wouldn't go away all day and I had to stop while walking it hurt so bad. Plus I felt like I couldn't breathe.
Geesh~!!(I also had an emotional and tearful realization that I had let my Mom down in her last days. But I will go into that another time.)
Very upsetting to me as I RARELY ever get sick.
Well it got so bad later on that I went to Prompt Care. We have had a hospital close here (County hospital) and so they shuffled around the emergency and walk-in care from place to place.
Where is is now is where I used to see my doctor 28 years ago. So I go in there, go to the counter where one older women is on the phone. She points a bony finger at me and says take a seat and I will help you, without getting off the phone.
So I turn and ask another woman sitting there where a restroom is. She tells me and I leave for about ten minutes. (I had to wait for someone in there).
I go back inside and sit down. She barely glances at me. She is still on the phone.
She is on a personal call. ( I can hear her) She puts her feet on the counter and leans back, still yakking.
She keeps talking and another girl comes into the area she is in, wanders around and never says a word to me.
Another woman comes in through the front door, walks past me, goes into the door and to where they are. The first woman gets off the phone, turns and they all start talking about when they are getting paid and their direct deposits.
All this time the first woman glances at me, never once asks me if she can help me, or says ONE WORD TO ME.
I take a picture of all of them gabbing with their backs to me on my phone.
Woman number three comes out and I ask her, "So is this center run under the auspices of Sonora Regional?"
She says yes it is.
I say,"Good, then I know who to tell about the fact that no one here would help me and that it was more important for that woman to sit with her feet on the counter talking on her personal call on the phone"
The woman's jaw drops. "What!?" She practically yells.
"That's right" I said as I am walking out the door. She SAW me take the photo.
"Oh No" She says coming after me, " I am so sorry"
"Ya, right" I say, getting in my car, "so am I."
And so I went to the upper Prompt Care we call the Indian Rock Center. They not only got me in before two minutes went by, but an employee ran to open the door for me.
I saw the doc and he told me I have pluerisy. I suspected it anyway, so that was no surprise. He also told me that I probably have a virus that is causing it, so I asked him if that was why I was experiencing this weakness when I walk up a hill.
He said more than likely yes. I have probably had it a few weeks. Then he told me I might get worse before I get better. Nice guy eh?
I have had pluerisy before and believe me, you don't want it. It is inflammation of the lining of your lungs, and it is very, very painful. I only have it (now) under the right side but he said it moves around.
So I am lying low for the weekend and not doing much.
I am still thinking of sending the photo to the main hospital and letting them know what happened. Part of me is hesitant because a lot of those employees came from the closed hospital, but another part of me says if no one is told, they will continue to treat (or not hahah) people that way, and that is unacceptable in a health care situation.
This is different than being checked in and then waiting for hours. They wouldn't even acknowledge me. I just sat and waited to see if they would. Nope.
I won't tolerate that. I don't have to and shouldn't have to.
Neither should you. Or anyone.
Good Morning!I am finally get the hang of this new blog. I don't like this entry box but I am sure I am not alone in that.Oh well, life goes on.
I have contacted a few people that I have not seen back here but they have a choice whether or not to come back.
I don't know what happened to Eddie but I will
contact him again.
I slept in today- I really needed it. My daughter
had me on the phone very late trying to fix her
wireless connection.
My shoulders are aching from lugging around a 25
lb backpack with my math book, notebook and other items in it.
The more I dump the less it seems to help!!
But I did sleep until 6 am then fed the animals
and went BACK to bed and slept until 8 am. WOW!!
That's late for me.I am up at 5 am every morning for school.
I am still trying to add things to my blog but
it's okay for now. However when I go to my
profile page it's all squished together for some
reason and the font is huge. Anyone know why that is???
well I am off to do my glorious math!
I have been starting to understand math this time
which is essential for me to get my bachelor's
degree, so this class has been great! take
care all and see you soon......
Well thank you, thank you, thank you Chica for the three column layout that I have been wanting and have had NO time to insert myself into my blog. NOW I am happy, NOW I will start blogging again.
I have just been swamped and fed up as some of you know with trying to fix up my last template. This has been such a downer losing our old site and especially after the Restyle went into effect. I was able to make my own templates so much easier. I miss my turquoise one. Oh well.
I snarfed this off of Eclectrablog's blog and it is really funny. I know it's probably old news but I think it's cute.
Ok well now that that is out of my system I feel more at home here now and can start blogging. A LOT of stuff has happened since the whole site went down and I have lost a lot of readers as I am sure everyone has. Some were not even registered users but came and read my blog anyway. My massage therapist who has also become a friend (I am her webmaster too-I built her site at Walela Yoga )comes and reads it to keep up on what is going on in my life. That is fine with me! Anyway, it's late and I need to get some sleep. Everyone at the college is getting sick and I don't want to catch it too, so I need some rest. Ciao for now!
Well, I am about to give up from dispair. I cannot spend countless hours ONCE again making my blog feel like home and everyone is busy helping others so I am just giving up for now. I had a header, now I have none and have no idea why.
I cannot seem to fix the code because I can't see what is wrong with it. Always been my downfall. That is why I have other coders check my stuff for me.
Well forget it for now. If I feel like it later maybe I will tackle it but for now I need to work on paying web sites, not my worthless blog.
If anyone stops by that cares to help please message me or e-mail me at indigomoonarts@yahoo.com.
I am in shock. I went to look at my blog today and it was once again-gone. Now what? No one informs anyone when something happens like this. Could have saved me some panic. Oh well. I was happy to have a blog again and now POW! I will not give up on Keith, not when I know he is working his tail off in more ways than one. Maybe he is just trying to make things more like EFX2 was. I guess he dumped wordpress MU from what this looks like. Well I am a bit happier because I can play with and change my blog to look how I want now. I already have my logo back as you can see. Now if Keefer makes us a nice three column template I will be thrilled.
It’s late and I sit and wonder
I haven’t thought about this for a long time
Don’t want to
Don’t want false hope
Don’t want any hope at all
Don’t understand the why
Don’t know why others see what I can’t
A friend is good enough isn’t it?
Just being friends
Only friends
No pain, no wishing
No wondering
No hoping
Can’t waste my time
Can’t think about it any longer
Can’t see what they do
Can’t understand why it is
But it is
And that is the way it is
I have no time for this
I have no desire for this
I have no hope for this
I have no dreams left
For this
For him
For me
I cannot pull off this scar
I can’t let myself bleed again
Never
Ever
Again
For him
For me
Let me be and don’t let me open my eyes
Let me be and don’t help me
Let me be and don’t feed me a false story
False dreams
False wishes
False hope
Don’t tell me he cares
Don’t tell me he does
More than he shows
More than what I see
More than what it is
Don’t
Just
DON’T
DrDog asked me these questions and it took me some time to answer the last one but I finally got them done. Sorry it took so long but here they are:
1. Since you are from California, how did you become such an avid hockey fan? And how/why did the Detroit Red Wings become "your" team?
I grew up on ice skates. As a kid, my sister and I used to walk to a local ice skating rink and skate for hours and hours. I loved the feeling of being almost weightless when you are gliding on ice. From that love grew a love of anyone else on skates, including my love of watching ice skating as a sport. Brian Boitano and Scott Hamilton are two of my all time favorites.
I started watching ice hockey more diligently around 1995. I was a Sharks fan but loved watching ALL teams play. When I found out a long time friend of mine that I later started dating (D) was a hockey fan as well as a Detroit native, I started watching the Red Wings with him. I fell in love with everything about the team and especially Stevie Y. Thus started my life-long affair with the Detroit Red Wings. I still watch the Wings and go to every game I can afford when they play the San Jose Sharks even thought it’s a 3 hour drive to get there. I stay at my cousin Jeff’s when I can. He is however, a Sharks fan!
2. What are you like when you "let your hair down"? What's the other side of the moon like?
Well that depends on what you mean by ‘letting my hair down.” I don’t party like I used to-having kids and getting older seems to put a kibosh on that but I still go out now and then (like last night) and dance to a few really great rock n roll bands we have up here. I am not a big drinker anymore but I might have a drink or two. I love to dance and even though I was told I probably never would again (because of my back) I get out there and have a lot of fun.
When I am with someone special I can get pretty wild. I am a very sensual person and love to be touched and to touch. I love sex and make it well known to that person. I am not afraid of being assertive that way either but I can follow as well as lead. I hope this wasn’t TMI!!
If you are talking about me being intimate with friends then I am funny, enjoy stimulating conversations and feeding my friends my great food. I am a really good cook (my Mom was a gourmet cook) and I love to feed others. I can be lighthearted and fun, or serious and just listen also.
3. Of all the movies you have seen, which one would you like others to see through your eyes? And why?
Oh gosh, this is hard to answer as I am not a huge movie fan. The funny thing is about me and movies is that when I watch one, especially a serious one like The Truman Show or Waking Life, I tend to think about them and overanalyze them in my head for days. I like to bounce idea about movies in my head off of some one else and since I have no one really I don’t watch many movies. I saw the first LOTR with some one that has read the books as I did in high school. We talked about the movie and the books for three hours. I saw the second one with someone that had never read the books and he had nothing to say about it. It really ruined it for me. Not that everyone I watch a movie with has to be a geek about it but it is nice to share thoughts with someone afterward.
If I had to pick one movie however, it would be a very obscure movie that Steve Martin was in called “A Simple Twist of Fate.” It is a very moving movie with a little humor in it but it has some real deep meaning in it about fatherhood, love and just being who you are. A very non-typical Steve Martin movie. I also love the new movie, the Lake House. I can watch that movie forever.
4. What was the toughest thing for you to learn from life? How did that lesson finally get understood?
I think the toughest lesson I have had to learn was that nothing in the world is permanent.
My wedding rings were stolen in 1999 and it was very devastating to me since they were the one thing I had of any material value. Once they were gone I realized that it didn’t matter what happened to any of my ‘stuff’. The only thing I would truly miss would be my photographs of my kids-say if the house was to go up in flames.
Then losing my Mother last year really hit me between the eyes with the impermanent nature of life. Losing my best friend of 20 years, losing my best friend Cameo, my dog, that was devastating too. Losing the last man I will probably ever love was also very, very hard on me.
5. You were so very devoted to your mother and loved her so much. Let's say that you could bring her back for one day and spend another day together, doing and going wherever you want. What would that day be like?
Wow, this was hard to answer. I would have to say that we probably would just sit and talk and talk and talk about her. I have so many questions I never had time to ask. I still have them pop into my head and want to go ask her- then I remember she isn’t there anymore for me to ask. My heart just breaks all over again. I think we would have a meal and some wine and talk about how she saw things as she was raising us. How it was to be a single mom back then in the 60s. I know it was very hard and she was always hitting the glass ceiling, so I wonder how she coped with it. If she was in perfect health maybe we could go for a nice stroll and talk. This too, would be what she would want to do- sitting and talking and expressing herself to me, sharing good wine, food and laughter like we always did.
1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” If you want to be interviewed.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your weblog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about my life lately. Some soul searching and thoughts about healing and what I still need to do for my kids and my own expectations about them. It is hard to not have expectations when your kids are in their 20s and they still are demanding so much from me. Yet I have the expectation that they could be giving something back at this point.
I don't have a lot of money to start with and now I am supporting my son too. SSD does not go very far for two. I am trying to supplement my incom
