This space for rent
Ummm ya...
Well,
I have to tell you, the last three weeks have been a blur. Last Saturday I lost my 15 yr old cat Crouton. She was my girl, my baby that slept with me every night, rode around on my shoulders all the time, and was a funny, and beautiful girl.
She was fine until two weeks ago and then almost overnight she went into massive renal failure. I knew it was coming, it was just a matter of time. Over the last two years she had a couple of episodes of being dehydrated and lethargic.
So I was waiting for the other shoe to fall, so to speak.
And it did. I did hospice care at home here for her for a week and a half but on Saturday morning I found her under Jemma's bed hiding, and I knew it was time.
So ends one era of my life. It is very odd but that is what happens when my animals go- having stretched their lives through so many things in my life, they end whole chapters. She was my last connection to Floyd, my cat that lived to be 19. He was my last connection to moving here in 1979- to this house that is. So on and on it goes. Annie Mouse will be my last connection to where I worked for 20 yrs and adopted her from. Not to mention to Cameo. And Zinny, Jemma's cat that lives with me, will be my last connection to both Crouton, Cameo and Annie Mouse.
It is really strange I know, but I mark time that way I guess. Crouton was with me through both of my kids growing up and leaving home. She marked freedom for us all, as I got her the summer after my divorce was started.
She was there with me through my Mom dieing. Through the hell I went through with D. Through losing Cameo.
She was always there. And now she is gone. I am heartbroken but I have learned since losing my Mom that nothing is permanent except impermanence. She is no longer suffering from kidneys that won't work. She is at peace and having given me everything she could for 15 yrs, I gave her the ultimate gift of ending her suffering. I tell all my clients that, but it is so damn hard to do it yourself when you are a vet tech. We always keep trying more, more, more. It's just hard to let go. I waited until she told me she was ready- and told me she did. When I pulled her out from under the bed, she gave me the 'look'.
So I heeded her message and took her down to the hospital where I had gotten her 15 yrs before.And in the same room that we met in so long ago, she took her last breath. I was sobbing of course over her, holding her head and whispering to her, but it was fast and peaceful.
I am getting used to her not being her but I keep looking for her every day. It's just the way it is.
I felt really bad that the one week before I put her down I was so busy I was gone most of the time. She was here sleeping anyway, but I still felt bad I wasn't here to sit with her. I did take a day or two and did just that.
So forgive my absence. I have been so busy otherwise on top of that that I haven't had a moment to read blogs let alone post one. I haven't seen many new blogs anyway and I am wondering why. Maybe everyone is busy with summer. Between here and EFX2, blogspot and Vox we are so scattered I really hate it.
Fractured. Just like my heart at the moment. But fractures do heal in time......
Rest in peace my beautiful Crouton.
So Sorry
Posted on 2009-May-22 at 01:37 by windy
Oh my I feel the same about my pets, my Boxers. Each time I lost one I felt a part of my life go with them. She was a beauty :) ! It hurts so bad to let them go...I have recently went through losing my boy Blue. I still hurt. hugs to you,
* I think we'll all get back into blogging soon. It seems every time I come online..I'm the only one here. I have been trying to add more post and such. Waiting on all to stop by. lol Again sorry for the loss of your precious pet ♥
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It's so hard to lose a pet, especially when you've had them for so long. They are part of your family. She was beautiful.....
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I'm so sorry... It hurts very much, doesn't it? I sort of do the same thing. My dog is almost 14, got him when my oldest was young, he's been through a lot with us.
She was beautiful!
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Posted on 2009-May-29 at 04:07 by sigi
I'm so sorry Jana...we had to put our dog down 2 years ago and I still miss her...
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Posted on 2009-Jun-9 at 05:28 by Rubicon
It's so hard to lose a family member I know. I've had to let go of a number of my pets over the years and it never get easier.
And quite the beautiful cat too....I like that name Crouton. We're down to one cat now and she's 12 I think but still pretty healthy as far as we can tell.
Chin up Jana...she's in kitty-kat Heaven now. I know...not much consolation eh.
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