for I............
Posted on 2008-Feb-15 at 10:16 in A day in the life..
Be my Valentine, for I
Each day have thought of you.
My whole life couldn't manage what
Your ready smile can do,
Vanquishing my loneliness
As though all light were new.
Let me be your Valentine
Even as you're mine,
Needing what I have to give
That each might each define
In friendship and in harmony,
Now you, now I the melody,
Each helping each to shine.
I got that from the man that gave me my Cherokee name when he adopted me into his tribe in 1971.
I was alone on VD, which is no surprise. I don't really care about the day but the commercialism of it really is a painful reminder of the fact I am alone.
I like being alone-most of the time. But I am still lonely.
Everywhere I look people are splitting up- and I want someone.
Paradoxical and depressing.
I didn't spend last night upset or obsessing over it- I actually didn't think much about it at all.
But I got that e-card from a friend I went to high school with 37 years ago and it just made me remember I am still alone.
I just finished watching Candy- a movie Heath Ledger made about two years ago. It was a bittersweet movie and I caught myself from time to time suddenly remembering that he is no longer with us and I would feel so empty-like the void he has left the world. When you see someone so alive on the screen and you realize he has died not to long ago it is a weird feeling. At least for me it is.
He was a powerful actor even in this movie for one so young. Such a terrible thing to lose someone so talented so young. I know it's old news but not to his family, not to those that loved him.
Hmmm well I guess I need to head to bed. I am beat from a not too friendly week. I came home Wednesday night to find my propane had been disconnected. So now that is costing me a bloody fortune to get that taken care of. Of course that wouldn't have happened if I had the money to pay the bill but I haven't. I have never had a utility cut off before so this was very upsetting to me.
I just don't know what else I can do; SSD only goes so far and money is very tight.
Well I won't bore you with my woes any longer, I am going to bed.
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