|
Quote of the Week
"Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish."
– Ovid
Reading Room
|
Buried deep
Today would have been my Mom's 78th birthday. I thought about her all day long. I felt.. I don't know what I felt. I never left the house- I never even took off my jammies all day.
I did some flash homework and got more upset and then I got depressed.
I cannot get flash at all. I dread using it and I am in this university class 'Using flash for e-learning." I figured (wrongly) that this wouldn't be so bad. Well it is. I tried to make a quiz today-used a template-sorta. There was not corresponding box in my program like the book said I should have to edit it with. I get upset and very frustrated by that.
Then I wonder why the heck am I bothering with all this schooling to get a bachelor's at my age? Why, so I can watch my classes not make enrollment and then I have no work, just a hefty student loan to pay off? I am on the verge of just quitting, of giving up.
I went to the movies yesterday for the first time in over 9 months.
I can't afford to go so I don't plus I don't like to go alone. And alone is what I am most of the time. I went with my g/f and saw P.S. I Love you with Hillary Swank and some gorgeous Irish dude.
Now I want an Irish dude. A real one that looks like the guy at the end of the movie, not the one that died. I cried then I cried some more. I walked out of there knowing I was really tired of being lonely. Not alone, mind you- I like being alone a lot of the time. But I am very lonely.
I am tired of being lonely and let me tell you- when you hit 50 and over- not one man looks your way again. I don't think I am that much of a schlemp at my age. I dress well and look nice when I go out and I am not horribly overweight. Ya I need to lose a few pounds but age has a way of doing that.
Still, no matter where I go- all I see are couples or older men-really older men.
I have tried the online dating thing and had one disaster after another (like Jonathan) so I have given that up pretty much too. It's like there isn't a single, single man in the county! I really don't get it. I did see a nice man having dinner alone with his 10ish daughter last night but I was with a male friend who was buying me a belated BD dinner- so of course this man won't look my way. Sigh. How do you approach something like that? Chances are I won't see him again. This county isn't as small as it once was.
On the other hand-If I am meant to see him I know I will. And I will be alone when I do. Will he say anything to me? Who knows.
I just get so down about it. I hate to say that it's a thing about getting older because I don't feel older at all, but the reality is that I am and no one wants an older woman. Men my age want the youngsters.
I/we can't compete. How can I compete with a 22 yr old that a very handsome and eligible professor is living with? By the way, he is 64. Is she beautiful? Well, lets just say on the inside, probably yes. On the outside the poor girl has no muscles let alone breasts. But whatever.
The point is, when men are going after little girls, us real, curvy, and experienced woman are left to rust on the shelf. So that is what it feels like.
I sit on the shelf and love slips through my hands like the sand.
Time goes right after it and next thing you know you are 75.
So with all of this love I have inside of me and now not even my daughter to foist it upon, I need to find an outlet for it somehow. I want to paint again but the damn PC takes up my time with school and web sites (paying ones) even this blog.
So maybe I need to stop blogging and find the answers out here.
I don't know. I just know that I am really tired of going to bed alone every, single night.
Tired of being lonely.
Happy Anniversary Mom-where ever you are hanging out tonight.
Word!
I feel exactly the same way, although I never say it. ((HUGS)) for you Jana. I know you miss your mom.
Alone
Oh Jana I'm sorry you were feeling so blue - I hope you wake up feeling a bit more chipper. The anniversary and birthdays of your mum must be hard.
It's not true that no-one ever looks at older women - not in my experience but I think the best way of meeting people is to have a full social life doing other things (which of course you probably do). I meet people at my drumming group and festivals, at songwriting and at tennis. I'm not going out with anyone at the moment but I do get asked out quite often when I go to gigs to see live music. Even though I haven't met anyone special in a while it does boost the ego to get asked at least. There are times that I feel like you but at the moment I'm enjoying being single. I have several male friends that I go out with (for example there's a guy I go out nearly every week with to do open mic nights) and there's no question of us being in a relationship but at least I get good male company.
Personally, I also have a "friend" not quite sure of the polite term for it that I "see" from time to time who is pretty young and it suits us both not to go public as we don't want to be "with" each other so at least I get some sex every now and then with no strings attached.
I'm not suggesting you do that but I'm just saying that it's not true that there are no men around for older women (I'm 55) but you do have to get out and about a lot. I think a lot depends where you live - I live in a small city with a thriving night life, loads of cheap places to go out and see music for free so all you have to buy is a drink or two. My drumming evening class has led me to meet just tons of people over the years including two boyfriends.
You ARE an attractive woman - I don't know what it's like where you live and whether you have a good mate/girlfriend to go out with but I have a few good girl friends and I go out with them quite often and meet people there too. Don't give up - no doubt you'll meet people but probably when you least expect it and when you're doing something else other than looking ha ha!
Couples Only
Posted on 2008-Jan-14 at 11:04 by Patty
That's how a couple of our daughters say they feel. They go out someplace with their little one to eat, and that seems like that's all you see are couples. I guess since I have my husband I don't know what it would be like, BUT if something happened to him, I doubt I would go looking for another one, not at this age. About 15 years ago, he told me, that he knew I would lose some weight and go looking, I told him I didn't think so, then he said, well if you've been happily married you would. I told him that didn't have anything to do with it, it would just be nice not to have to worry about someone else all the time. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, or not do it, if I didn't want to. Makes a big difference when you have someone in the house with you 24/7
But good luck on your lessons.
Finding new friends
Posted on 2008-Jan-14 at 06:03 by drdog
I hope you are feeling better today, Jana. I know how much you miss your mom and how you want to be with someone. If only I had a magic spell that could banish loneliness! Especially for you.
I sense a lot of you in me, Jana. I battle the lonelies at times, even though my situation is much different. I'm a quiet person, find it hard to make close friends. Love few people but love them passionately and will do anything for them. Introverted and sort of shy even.
One thing I did want to say, though, is that not every middle-aged/older man fancies the sweet young things. I don't. I always--always!--prefer the women who have experienced life and its ups and downs, who are mature, who want to love and know how to love and are aware that none of us has unlimited tomorrows. Who don't play the high school games any more. When I take a fancy to someone, it's someone around my age, more or less.
My wife is 10 months younger than me. My friend, S, is a lot younger. She is 50.
You know, I almost never go to strip clubs. Know why? Because the dancers there are usually under 25, rarely older than 30, and even 30 is way too young to be of interest.
An woman my age? "A real, curvy experienced woman"? She would be fascinating. Extra poundage? Wrinkles? So what? Those are the women I think about when I'm drifting off to sleep, not the kids. The problem, always, is how to find such fascinating people. They don't leave trails of pheromones, you know. And then when you're shy on top of that ...
You need to get out and mix more with people, I think. Just places where you can meet and talk to different people. Maybe the guy with the 10-year-old youngster will be there. And who knows whether he is lonely, too. Make more friends--which, I agree, is easier said than done.
But future boyfriends are out there. Look for them, and don't stop at one. You deserve to have fun, too. Life's too short.
=======================
Peter,
Thanks for the vote of confidence on not all men wanting the younger women.
I was at a meeting today when I mentioned that I was 53 and something else in the context of what the group was talking about. The man next to me (married of course) whipped his head toward me and said "you look FABULOUS for 53. Are you really 53?"
I told him indeed I had turned 53 on Dec 6th.
He repeated his statement and then I thanked him again.
It made me feel good, but alas, it doesn't result in much more than that.
I do go out places- all the time. As I have mentioned in the past I go to outings all summer-concerts, farmers markets, etc. I wonder if men see me there alone that they think somethings wrong with me or what?
I am not unapprochable yet that is how I fear I must be to some. My Mom said men are intimidated by strong, positive and good looking women. I find that hard to believe of all men.
Sigh...
EclectaComment
It's a damn crime that an attractive, interesting woman like you is lonely. I think Chandra's advice is good. Get out with friends. I'd give advice but I actually don't have any friends either except my wife.
========================
I appreciate everyone's advise but the problem is that I am already doing all of those things and then some.
I have come to the reality that I am not going to find someone and that way if it happens, well what a surprise.
But as things stand, I have no prospects and no way to go anywhere else in this county!
The funnily ironic thing about all of this is while at my daughter's orientation for Humboldt State these last three days I mentioned my age during a group meeting of parents and the man next to me, married of course, whipped his head around and looked at me and said, " YOU look FABULOUS if you are really 53." I told him indeed I was having turned that on Dec 6th. He again repeated, "well you really look fabulous for being 53."
I thanked him once again and then mumbled under my breath about how it didn't seem to help me meet anyone but he never heard me since I didn't want him too.
Feels good to hear that but does me less good in the long run as it again makes me wonder why no one is interested in me?
I am outgoing, friendly to those I meet, smile at others and strangers all the time and go out of my way to introduce my self or strike up a conversation with men and/or couples.
So again I am totally in the dark.
Untitled Comment
I had a day not too long ago where I thought about my dad and how much I missed him. I suppose I'll always have days like that.
I do understand where you're coming from. I'm married, but I do think it is harder for a woman our age to find someone.
Heck, I had a hard enough time when I was young and single! Being shy doesn't help.
I think in order to meet someone, maybe you need to join a few things. Maybe a book club, or singles group at a church if you go, even a cooking class or something like that.
But, chances are, it will happen when you least expect it!
Last Page | Page 21 of 170 | Next Page
|
